Home > Ronald Roy > When Bolante returns, watch!

When Bolante returns, watch!

When Bolante returns, watch!
Ronald Roy — October 08, 2008

       The four high school boys from San Beda College, Rob, Art, Martin and Tony, all aged 13, except for Tony who is 14, were still lapping it up after a week after The Red Lions’ historic second 3-peat at the expense of the JRC Bombers.  Art, a grandnephew, asked me to join them.  He introduced his friends, proudly singling out Tony as their big spender and leader.  “He decides things and never expects no for an answer, Gruncle (the family’s short for granduncle) but we don’t mind it.  He always treats us, and when we need money, he’s always there to lend us.  After 30 days, we pay him back less 5%. He’s good to us because he charges others 10%. He’s a real nice guy.”

       Mr. Nice Guy flashed a wide grin, took out of his bag a Nestle bar of chocolate crunch and offered it to me.  Then he asked a waiter to serve me a slice of coffee crunch.  I thanked Tony for his kindness but said I was quite happy with my coffee.  Studying Tony, I concluded he enjoyed being boss but could eventually get into trouble if he didn’t change his ways.  As a son of a regional director under the Department of Finance, this ostentatious rich kid was just one of numerous undisciplined scions who bring shame to the family name.

       The coincidence did escape my notice that each would be feasting on chocolate crunch and coffee crunch, so you can imagine how nearly I fell off my seat when Tony asked me to explain credit crunch.  “My parents are edgier these days, always arguing about higher prices and their inability to make our piggery business in the Ilocos profitable.  They need to expand it, but cannot, all because of what’s happening in America.  What’s happening, sir?”

       “Well, Tony, that’s going to be a little difficult to explain, but I’ll try.  America is the wealthiest dispenser of loans in the world.  In its business dealings with weak nations, America never fails to impose its interests while showcasing its hypocritical big-brother image before an unsuspecting international community.  Don’t get me wrong, guys.  I have a naturalized American daughter married to a wonderful American and three American grandchildren who are tops in school.  I have lots of American friends, although I can never admire their foreign policy.

       “Like I said, America is a rich nation but it is now being punished for its greed. Wait, do any of you know what I’m talking about?  No, ha? Okay, do you know what banks are, how they make money, what they do?  Basically they do what you do, Tony.  You lend and earn on the interest you charge your borrowers.  Your parents must have cash deposits in a bank, a place where they can make a profit.  You know what banks do with these deposits?  They lend them out and invest also to make a profit.  And do you know what deposit insurance is?  Complicated, eh? But not as complicated as when you hear how the entire US economic debacle was precipitated by corrupt practices of top Wall Street executives and Washington’s errant button-pusher aided by his policy advisers. Ask your parents to explain how the financial system in America collapsed, and why Americans taxpayers now have to shell out US$700B of their hard-earned money to save their economy, without knowing how long it will take, if ever, for normalcy to return.  A further deterioration of the American economy could trigger a holocaustic global war.”

       Martin interjected, “This is what my mother said: ‘Man’s greed would cause a third world war known as Armageddon.’  What do you think sir?” “Well, I’ve long been a student of prophecy, so I think she’s right. But let’s not be preoccupied with this. It’s time we heeded God’s warning by living good lives, such as by helping others instead of taking advantage of them.  Tony, I’m sorry I have to tell you that you’ve been taking advantage of your borrowers.  Consider not charging interest at all, or giving free financial help to those in dire need. The Lord will bless you a thousand-fold, for it will be in your giving that you will receive.  This, He promised.”

       Then Rob said out of the blue that his mother got angry with his father when he said his pretty President would get us through the tough times ahead. Rob quoted his mother: “You idiot, stop it! Lucifer was the most beautiful of all the angels before he fell.” “That’s funny, Rob, but Gloria should have said tougher times, not just tough times, because she’s given us nothing but tough times since she twice stole the presidency.  Because of the crises that have buffeted us due to her malgovernance, we have become resilient.  Ironically too, because of her mismanagement of the economy, our OFWs risk life and limb away from home so they can remit to their families 15 to 20 billion pesos yearly.  So, Gloria should stop patting herself on the back.  We will weather the storm in spite of Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo.”

       But we can’t afford to panic. Panic creates the very turmoil we seek to prevent.  Let us drive the economy with prudent spending.  We should not keep our money under our pillows cowering in fear because if we do, the stores will close, people will lose their jobs, etcetera.  There is nothing to fear but fear itself.  Our destiny as a sovereign has always been our option, not hers.  She is trash that we do not need, and will soon become a completely forgotten non-entity after Joc Joc Bolante returns.  Watch!!!

*                                   *                                   *

       The original text of this joke was in Chinese.  Its Tagalog version reached me courtesy of Joey Ortiz.  Here it is in English. Gloria: “I give up! No matter what good I’ve done, people  hate me.  And I can’t figure out why people just continue to rave over these two widows, Cory and Susan.  What can I do, Ed?”  Ermita: “Simple, madam. Be a widow!”

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